What is your love language?
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’ve been thinking about love – the real, everyday kind that keeps us warm through our chilly winters and makes those long summer lake days even better. You know how sometimes you pour your heart into something for your partner... only to feel like it didn’t quite land? Or they do something sweet, and you’re left wondering why it doesn’t hit the spot the way you’d hoped?
By Bex Lipp
Turns out, we all have different “love languages” – the ways we naturally express love and the ways we feel most loved in return. The idea comes from Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book The 5 Love Languages, and after years of chatting with couples (and reflecting on my own relationships!), I reckon it’s spot-on.
We might be fluent in one language but speaking a different one to our partner – no wonder things get lost in translation! The good news? Once you figure out yours (and theirs), it’s like unlocking a secret code to deeper connection.
Here are the five love languages, with simple ways we express them and how to receive them best:
1. Words of Affirmation If this is you, hearing “I love you,” “You’re amazing,” or “I’m so proud of you” fills your heart right up.
How you express it: Compliments, encouraging texts, love notes tucked in a lunchbox, or saying “thank you” out loud for the little things.
How you receive it: Unsolicited praise, heartfelt “I appreciate you” messages, or verbal encouragement during tough days. Insults or criticism? They sting extra hard. Valentine tip: Leave a sticky note on the fridge saying why they’re your favourite person – simple but powerful!
2. Acts of Service Actions speak louder than words here. Doing something thoughtful to ease their load says “I love you” without needing to say it.
How you express it: Making brekkie in bed, running errands, fixing that leaky tap, or handling dinner so they can relax after a long day.
How you receive it: When your partner steps up to help without being asked – like mowing the lawns before the weekend or bringing you a hot drink on a frosty morning.
3. Receiving Gifts It’s not about the price tag – it’s the thought that counts. A gift shows “I was thinking of you.”
How you express it: Picking up their favourite coffee, surprising them with flowers from the local market, or gifting something small but meaningful (like tickets to a lakeside gig).
How you receive it: Thoughtful presents that show you’ve paid attention – even a handwritten card or their go-to chocolate bar hits the spot. Forgetfulness here can feel like you’re not on their mind.
4. Quality Time Full, undivided attention is the ultimate gift. No phones, no distractions – just being together.
How you express it: Planning a walk along the lakefront, a cozy movie night, or simply sitting and chatting without rushing off.
How you receive it: When your partner puts everything aside to really listen and share moments – like a quiet coffee date or stargazing on a clear night. Interruptions or feeling sidelined? That hurts the most.
5. Physical Touch Hugs, hand-holding, cuddles, or a gentle touch on the back – physical closeness speaks volumes.
How you express it: Snuggling on the couch, a kiss goodbye, holding hands on a winter walk, or a reassuring arm around the shoulder.
How you receive it: Warm embraces, playful touches, or intimate moments that make you feel safe and connected. Distance or lack of touch can leave you feeling unloved, even if everything else is perfect.
Most of us have a primary love language (maybe with a strong secondary), and we tend to express love in our own language – but feel it deepest in another. The magic happens when we learn to “speak” our partner’s language, even if it’s not our natural one.