Mentors make the difference
Peter Lonsdale explains the mentoring process. Photo: Dan Hutchinson
It only takes two hours a week to make a big difference in someone’s life, but a local mentoring initiative is struggling to find male role models to make it happen.
By Dan Hutchinson
Mentor Peter Lonsdale is a bit of an exception to the rule – he’s at ease around children, enjoys spending time with his “young fella” and believes in the powerful message of friendship.
He is not there to fill in for a parent or a family member who is doing their duty, but a friend who wants the best for them.
“You're not their parent, you're not actually their family, you’re someone who cares about them and is there and is present and can help them feel good about themselves and help their self-esteem and everything else.”
He signed up with He Kāhui Tāngata Mentoring programme about a year ago and says there were “challenges” and a need to set boundaries at the start, but the experience has been beneficial for himself and Michael, whom he mentors.
He has always been at ease with children, and it is his daughters who suggested he take up mentoring.
As a lover of the outdoors, and skiing, he was often involved in school trips and activities, and when his own daughters went to high school, he missed those opportunities to interact and make a positive impact.
While the children he used to know are now teenagers and tend to keep their distance a little more, they still get in touch to find out when he’s going up to Whakapapa for a day’s skiing.
“There's just a completely different dynamic once they've gone into their teens, and the parents, although you're still important, but they kind of want you over there, not right here.
“The kids are friends of mine and I've always sort of been like an honorary uncle to [them]. They still come skiing with me … Now that they're 16, they'll still come along.”
He Kāhui Tāngata Mentoring programme coordinator Shelley Robinson says they are always looking for mentors for 9-13-year-olds, especially male role models.
“They do things like bike riding, swimming, arts and crafts, just whatever they decide that they want to do each week together. And this is obviously in response to a need.”
They have an Introduction to Mentoring Workshop every three months, including this weekend, and would love to have more men involved. Email hktcoordinator@gmail.com or call Shelley on 027 234 2241today to get involved in the next course.
Peter and Michael enjoy a day out fishing.
The workshop is being held on Saturday from 9am-4pm at 73 Titiraupenga St, with registrations at 8.30am.
Anyone who wants to get involved must pass a Police check and interview, but the rewards for both parties are beyond tangible.
Initial funding was from the Ministry of Education, to increase attendance rates of young people in school. Referrals for the programme come from families and schools.
“It's for boys and girls. We tend to have boys sitting on the wait list.”
She says men often don’t think they are suitable, either because they have no experience with mentoring, or they are too old.
“I just say the same message to each person. If you have the time and the heart, you would be perfect.”
She recently matched a 79-year-old man with a 9-year-old boy.
“The little guy lost his Papa two years ago, similar age to his mentor. Nan has full guardianship of her grandson, so it's just Nan and her grandson.
“His mentor's not replacing Papa, but he's now got someone he can spend time with, not just Nan. He's not going to kick the ball around with his mentee, or climb hills but his mentee loves Lego, so they sit and do Lego. He loves trains, he's got a train track.”
Peter says it’s about connecting through common interests. Michael loves golf, so they do that.
He says it’s important to make it clear that they are friends, and while things might change, he could move away or go overseas for an extended period of time, they are still friends.
And that endures after the mentorship period.
“I've seen really massive changes from the very first day of, you know, ‘who is this guy and didn't want to be touched or anything like that’. It was just, you know, to suddenly now coming up and it's a big high five or a hug or something. It's just now a complete, completely different.”